VIRALITIS [Vy-Ra-Lie-Tis]

Open books, not legs.

2012-02-26T10:09:00.000-08:00

I would've thought coming into college that I would be drowned by dogma. That other people's influences would weigh heavy on me. But this shows how strong of a person I am. I spend my hours during the day studying while the majority of people lay back, watch tv and smoke. I reward myself once a weekend going out and having a blast. But for the rest of the other 2 days of the weekends, I spend hours in the library and the nights reading or watching movies, shows, documentaries or just relaxing with my girls if they decide to stay in too. I don't ever let others pressure me into doing things I wouldn't have thought to do myself.

On my way walking to the library with my heavy bag hanging off my shoulder, I came across many girls doing the walk of shame. I just kinda laughed to myself inside because while most girls here stay busy opening their legs, I open books. While their minds are consumed with thoughts of their "hook up" possibility hooking up with someone else, my thoughts are consumed with all the good things I'm doing now to ensure myself a successful future later. I don't let anyone get in the way, most definitely not even boys.

I feel great about myself and the things I'm doing now. I associate with people who are a lot like me. Productive, ambitious, hard working but they know how to have fun at the same time. It's been a great year so far! Let's keep it rolling.

All Together

2012-02-14T08:44:00.000-08:00

As you can see I've been quite busy since the New Year began. 2012 so far has absolutely great to me!

It's an amazing feeling to finally pull myself together. If you read all my posts last year, I was quite a train wreck. I mean think about it, hours upon hours in the library until it closes at 3 am but not learning anything. There was a war battling inside my head, it was the "I Wanna Forget vs. I Wanna Remember".

That break really did do something to me. I finally made closure with myself. I suddenly became content with all the little things I had in my life and made something out of it.

Now I've been busy doing things for my future. And men have no part in it as of now. I honestly feel too content with where I am at to let anything interfere with that.

Recently, I have joined my school's American Marketing Association and ABLE (Albany Business Leaders Emerging). I am looking to become an active member in both groups to pursue a position on E board.

I went to a job expo to search for internships. Spoke to different companies, some Fortune 500, and some local businesses. Immediately landed an interview with a campus media marketing company the next day. It went great and let me tell you, being confident in yourself WORKS WONDERS! I should be hearing back from them within two weeks on whether I got the internship. Another company also contacted me to have an interview just yesterday.

My life now consists of me being in constant productive motion. In and out of classes, in and out of library and as always, gym gym gym. I love it. My energy is roaring.

It just feels good doing good things in my life towards my future. I have never felt SO focused and just HAPPY.

Six years with someone and I could never picture my content in my life without him. But now i'm living proof that happiness exists without being in a relationship. Truth is ladies, we don't men to rectify our existence. We just have to be content with what we have in ourselves because the profound relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.

LESSON LEARNED #8: Everything really does happen for a reason. So never dwell on the small things that made you sad. You may be crying today but you'll be laughing tomorrow. Life goes on. In the end, hitting the bottom will be the best thing that has ever happened to you, because there is no where to go but UP.

Look for reasons to be happy, not reasons to be sad

2012-01-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

I can't believe these past few months I allowed one person to completely break me. I'm in awe looking back at how much it affected me. Especially come to find out that he wasn't even worth it. That's the worst guys. THERE IS SO MUCH IN THIS WORLD TO BE HAPPY FOR! Think about all the children in the pediatric section of the hospital, born with all kinds of cancers and diseases not even given the chance to enjoy their lives as children should. To run in the grass, roll down the snow, play in the sand. Look at the homeless freezing their asses off outside in 10 degree throat-torching weather with just a thin jacket. Look at the old, so frail and weak, not being able to do all the things they once could do on their own. You think it doesn't frustrate them that they have to live depending on other people? And you know what did that to them? TIME. TIME that we as young beautiful people have. We really have all the time in the world, as long as we learn to make use of it. SO WHY do we let ourselves down over a broken heart? Over one person when there's a billion others walking around in existence, over one memory when we can make an infinity more! WHY do we let ourselves cry and suffer over things that used to be and not is anymore?! Here we are! YOUNG, WILD, FREE, STRONG, HEALTHY! SO what do we have to waste?! THERE IS TOO MUCH IN WORLD THAT WE ARE CAPABLE OF DOING. We are capable of finding love again. We are capable of the living the lives that we have always dreamed of! We're beautiful fcking people! So don't EVER EVER EVER do that to yourself.

Sometimes, sure, cry if you need to. Frown if you feel like it. But don't you dare bring yourself down to the point where you feel like you're only living to exist. Don't you dare.

LESSON LEARNED #7: Keep living for what today and tomorrow has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away. And smile your fcking heart out doing it.

I feel like such a heavy weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe again! I feel so content again! And I love this feeling. GOD, after what I went through, this feels amazing!

Have you ever allowed someone to tear you down and then walked out of the situation and made those crazy realizations and have a bunch of those "wtf-was-I-thinking-moments?" Tell me about it! I'd love to hear your experience!

"See you next year!"- Oh haha!

2011-12-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone has been doing great heading towards the end of this year!! I had a great holiday even though it was somethin' different. It's all about appreciating the things you have right in front of you. I'm sure pulling myself together and getting a lot of heavy things off my chest. For good, for good! It's great too because it's about to be a new year. This is the perfect time to just sit and relax and reflect what kind of a year you've had. Even some self reflection on your part will do you a lot of good. My take on new year's isn't about making resolutions. I even learned that saying "This is MY year" Or "This year is going to be the best" is definitely just another way to curse myself. Haha . This is how i'm gonna do it heading into 2012. I'm gonna have absolutely no expectations for anything or anyone. I'm going to focus only on myself and my future and I know for sure I will never be upset. I'm going to live my life as fully as I can. I'm going to indulge fully myself into anything that makes me happy. How does summer 2012 in Spain sound? Eat. Pray. Love That girl will be me.

REAL TALK #9: As long as we are not expecting more than we should, we have absolutely no reason to ever be disappointed.

Let's Play

2011-12-09T08:44:00.000-08:00

You see. It's a simple game. You win when you stop caring about it

& Well. Looks like i'm the champion

Head High

2011-12-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

Usher says You Got It Bad. Well I say there's always worse.

Think about it that way and your day might just get a little brighter ;)

Shielded

2011-12-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

It's been the story of my life . The most disappointing part is that I'm the author.

Gobble Gobble

2011-12-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

I apologize for such a late Thanksgiving update! On another note, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Is it just me or is something about getting older with the holidays different? Haha, I guess it's something about slipping into that 20's decade stage. The growing up part where we stop receiving presents and lots of that "squeeze-the-cheek" kind of love and we give it to other people instead like our younger cousins and siblings. Also as we get older, things change so the holidays aren't always as dandy as they used to be. I'll show ya a little glimpse right now.
Here was my Thanksgiving Holiday from 2009-2011.

[ 2009 ]

Crying & laughing at the same time while giving out the tradiational "What I'm Thankful For" speech.

( miss that look that he used to always give)

how it used to be

Him. Her . And I. The musketeers.

Joyful happiness.

[ 2010 ]

Lots of laughters

And a gigantic stuffed turkey

[ 2011 ]

And then there were four. But I couldn't ask for more

As long as we had food on the table, especially provided by the hands of a hard working mother, we were grateful for our Thanksgiving. That never changes. This year though, there was a strange kind of silence at the dinner table. No one spoke of it but everyone knew what was going on. I looked to my left and I looked to my right and I looked across from me while they were busy eating and I said to myself, " I know. I know the emptiness everyone must be feeling right now. The emptiness of the seats that used to be occupied by important characters in our lives. " At a moment, I kind of had to pretend to laugh about something while leaving the table to go to the bathroom to just secretly shed a tear.
As emotional as I knew everyone was feeling, every once in a while, each person would shout out a little joke to break the involuntary loudness of silence. We laughed to forget the thoughts that kept creeping inside our heads. We laughed as a way to comfort each other because we knew that inside each and every one of our souls, there was something big missing. Something empty begging to be filled. We laughed to forget the used to be's, the what if's, the was, the were's.

I think in every human being's lives, whether as an individual or a unit such as a family, we all will go through harsh times. The drive that helps me to continue to stay motivated are these three. We collectively are in deep pain but we collectively comfort each other even more. We inspire each other, we motivate each other to continue to do better, and most importantly we love and care for each other unconditionally. So even with all the losses that we've had in our lives, I am more than grateful that I have these three in my life. The three I can count on, the three I can give my all to, and the three that I know will always be there. We fell together. That hurt. But perhaps the best part of it all was tightly holding hands and rising up together. As one .

And this is how I will always know that I am never alone.

Let's Get Sweaty

2011-11-23T15:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I love the feeling of sweat on my skin after a good workout. Especially when it's dripping and you walk out of the door of the gym and the wind swifts lightly across your skin. AHHH, the greatness.

Going to the gym is most definitely a part of my daily life. Those wonderful endorphins trigger an amazing feeling within my bawwdy. That euphoric feeling LIKE DAMN! It reduces my stress, increases my energy level, not to mention tones me out, why wouldn't I love it. It's my healthy addiction .

2011-11-22T13:08:00.000-08:00

You stung me in a way I didn't even know I could hurt

Where Is She

2011-11-22T11:48:00.000-08:00

I still remember that moment I looked into your eyes for the last time, and that one little memory still has the right amount of love to make me cry.

... take me back 8 years ago, when I knew how to truly be a happy girl without you.

Being strong is really not easy. Lately, actually for a while, i've been very unsatisfied. School, family, friends, people. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. I work my butt off hours without end in the library and i'm not ever content with the results. Last year I didnt study half as much as my grades were pretty as paradise. And you know wanna know why, my mind now is constantly occupied trying to fight off unwanted thoughts. Just of me getting lost on this journey trying to find myself. I spend late nights studying until the sun starts shining, until I'm mentally drained stuffing my head into books instead. And people wonder why I study so much. Why i work out 2 hours per day. It's another way to fill in an empty void. It's cause I can't sleep at night. It's my cause my brain is running fast miles thought after thought after thought of the things that could have been, with this, with that, with him, with her, with them, with my life. It's cause I don't wanna spend another night falling asleep from my own tears. So I physically and mentally exhaust myself until it's impossible for me to think anymore and it bites me in the ass in the end.

Everything I do is just a temporary fix until I reach that peak of happiness. Trust me, this isn't all because of one of person. There's a lot more to it. Just because someone is breathing doesnt always mean theyre alive. I do consider myself a very strong individual. I feel like I have heavy weights on my shoulder. I'm just trying hard keep myself standing. I know that the journey to finding myself entails me getting lost over and over again, I know it'll get frustrating even more than it is now. But one thing is for damn sure, I can repeat this cycle of falling, standing up and getting knocked down, but I am not a quitter . I never was, and I never will be.

Bulletproof Love

2011-11-15T00:10:00.000-08:00

My Love for you is bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me.
-Pierce the Veil

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

2011-11-14T11:36:00.000-08:00

So I just started listening to some old songs and felt like dancing. I used to do this all time when I had my own room. (it's actually how I used to lose weight) HAHA . I didn't give a care that my room mate was in the room. She was actually very entertained, next thing you know, the whole suite comes to watch @TheVoShow (follow me) operate on her own crazy energy. Suddenly recording, snapping pictures, and having a good time watching being entertained. The ability to make oneself laugh and also others might be one of the best feelings in the world. I think that before the last post on my birthday, I've been letting myself down too much. And after that self therapy session, I stayed content and all this crazy happy energy has probably just been waiting to burst out. Hence why I've been going so crazy hehehe but then again, that's just me .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnYv0acyi2o

Dance like no body's watching is exactly how I like to live my life. I enjoy doing things because they make me happy regardless of what anyone else wants to think. I laugh too hard at my own jokes. I have crazy fun even when i'm in a room alone. Oh trust me, if there was a video camera recording me 24/7, you'd believe me. I strongly think that's the right away to live. After all it is a depend-on-yourself kind of world nowadays. I should've never allowed myself to be so miserable wanting something in the past so bad. So end of the day, forget your troubles, SMILE and make YOURSELF laugh.

REAL TALK #6

Just like you shouldn't depend on others to wipe your ass, you shouldn't depend on others to make you laugh or smile or be happy either. You can do it all by yourself. Cause only within you is where true happiness lies. So next time you're feeling sad and in a room alone, do something really stupid and make yourself laugh for me =)

Burnt ?

2011-11-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

If there's anything to know about me, it's the fact that I am super spontaneous! My motto once again is life's too short, do absolutely everything that you're ever curious about. Don't let a single day go by with a what if instilled in that head of yours. I enjoy going on all kinds of crazy adventures. Like tanning, when I'm already tan as hell. I know it's bad but i thought i'd give it a try. It was one of those once in a lifetime spur of the moment things. I was only in there for 15 min and I came out looking close to charcoal haha! I was so clueless...

The pre-tanning conversation goes a little something like this....

Her: Alright so just tell them you've been tanning before so they can give you a tanning option.
Me: K do I take my clothes off? Like all of it? Underwear and bra?
Her: Yeah, well duh.
Me: But wait, isn't it gonna burn my clit?
Her: HAHHAHAHAHHA

She's a woman; and she got her own

2011-11-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm a little late but October 25, I turned 20 ! The days leading up to that was very exciting . I mean i'm almost done with my teenage years... that was a crazy realization. I know to a lot of people turning 20 isn't a big deal because you're ALMOST legal. Haha, but it's not about that for me. To me it's about leaving the years of experiences upon experiences of experiments =D. Now I'm taking a step into a new phase, actually leaving things in the past to move on and become a woman on my own.

Close to slipping some tears

The day of my birthday didn't go so well. I mean I had almost every reason to be happy. I had a great dinner with my mom and someone randomly paid for it. My suitemates and friends were very sweet. I went out with the girls for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, I got surprised with a lovely red velvet cake sent from a really good friend from Florida (uh oh, i , the birthday weekend was great also... It's just my birthday is the same day as someone I used to call my father. It's unbelievable the damage he has done to us and our family. I couldn't help to be nothing but down. Well, looking at me you would never be able to tell. I'm good when it comes to disguising how I feel. But that night, right before it was about to end. I sneaked off alone in my car ... sipped on red wine and cried to myself.

This birthday ... I turn 20 and I'm missing the three people who were once the most important in my life. They were apart of every aspect of it. My ex boyfriend who was also my best friend of 7 years, my cousin Lyna who passed from cancer, and my dad. It's really sad that these people are no longer in my life, and for the most hurtful reasons. I wish things could be different, and I wanted to grow into this new decade a happy woman.. leave behind the past. But everything kept haunting me, one thing after another.

The next morning I woke up and gave myself a little therapy session, pep talk kinda thing. It was great. And surprisingly, it helped me a lot. ( When you can bring yourself up? That's the best feeling) . The situation with my ex, I told myself what's meant to be is meant to be. It's completely over. I contemplate the thought of being with him, but my heart tells me after everything, it wouldn't work. The only thing I ever cry about is the past with him. The people we used to be, the man I fell for, the memories, the moments. So i thought, if that's what i'm sad about ... what's the point of me dwelling over the past when i'm sitting in the future and I HAVE a future. Why am I letting the past ruin my current state of being? I know from time to time I'm still going to miss him a lot but I've come to understand that that's just a way of me healing.

So i'm a business major and my really good guy friend gave me this great advice ... if you've learned anything about the economics, do you guys know the term sunk cost? The way he described it was like this . I'm standing outside on the grass and holding a cup of water, I tip the cup over, and the water spills into the ground. And kapeesh, what am I gonna do? Soak it out of the dirt? No, it's gone. There's no undoing it. Whatever happened already happened and if I were to sit there and try to "get the water back" I'd be losing opportunities with other things. It's so true. So from now on, i'm just gonna let the past be the past.

As with Lyna, she will always be an angel in my heart. I'm actually still coping everyday trying to deal with the fact that she's in a better place. It's strange to exist in this world with out her. I miss having deep philosophical talks with someone who really knows what she's talking about. I miss running to her every time I had a problem. Just hearing her voice made me feel better. But once again, it is the past and I need to learn to move on. The best part is I can still bring her with me.

My father--- he's just dead to me.

Now that I've pointed out my sadnesses, I feel more content with my life. Not exactly happy but content. And i'm more appreciative of the things and people that I do have in my life right now. That's the way it should be. The past is the past for a reason.

ANYWHO, here are some photos !

Forgot to mention that I met some really good people. One's that I can see stay in my life for a while.

These girls did so much for me. I don't know how I'd ever pass that day without them <3

The awesomely delicious red velvet cake my Bigman sent me <3 Love the guy.

Hey girl, you're on your own now. Let's start over.

Lesson Learned #7 : Life is too beautiful to live in the past.

2011-10-21T10:09:00.001-07:00

Surrounded by the artificial. The older I get, the more true this quote becomes.

Sunshine Bliss ?

2011-10-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

MMMMM! Such a beautiful day! I can almost taste the smell of the fresh air! If that makes any sense ^_^ .

Yesterday wasn't such a great day for me. I allowed myself to break down again. Got a few unexpected text messages over the weekend . But I woke up with the sun beating on my face, and jolly ol' me couldn't help but to smile.

It's so nice out right now! My early 8:45 accounting class was canceled today! YAY! So I woke up early anyways even though I spent last night in the library til 3 am -____- then I went back to my room thinking i'd be able to knock out right away but my room mate and her boy crazy self would not stop ranting about Keith and John and Fred and Jason and fdfhdskjfhksdhfsdfjhdsk. As I'm about to fall asleep ... "Oh Sandy! Wait! I have to tell you one more thing! So remember that guy I told you about? " After half ass listening (per usual) haha....I finally got to knock out at 4.

Now I'm currently sitting outside on a table in front of the fountain of my school. (Wish it was on) Just kind of writing and observing at the same time. I'm currently listening to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift. It's actually a pretty sad song but singing it out loud with a smile on my face makes it a lot easier to listen to. People probably hear me but that's okay. Hehe. But... yeah! My mood lately has been up and down. I try not to let things bother me, try to be strong, try to be stress free, try to be happier. I'm trying so that's all that matters to me. Being surrounded by people all the time definitely makes it hard to break down so that's good ! One of the many things I love about college. Well class is about to start so off I go !

Taking in the beautiful sunshine

HOW IS EVERYONE DOING ?! I WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING RANDOM ABOUT YOUR DAY!

Tweet Tweet

2011-09-30T08:53:00.001-07:00

Follow me !

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER EVERYONE!
... that way we can keep in constant touch ;)

Someone Like You

2011-09-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

Someone Like You

Finally! There is a video out to perhaps one of the greatest songs ever written/sung. I can relate a lot to this because when I found out about the song was around the time all these things started happening to me. And at one point during all these phases, this was exactly how I felt. It kinda sorta was exactly what was happening. I had this wonderful relationship that I eventually had to let go of (thinking i'd have it all back again in a short amount of time ) and the next day, the guy I was in love with was skipping around with someone else, and it remains that way. Meanwhile I become this emotional walking wreck . Confused thinking I'm still in love with him one moment and immensely hating him the next. I felt so torn at the thought of those memories slipping away forever. Even more torn when I thought about us having new ones formed with somebody else...

This song honestly tears me up every time I hear it . You that feeling, when you force yourself to hold in your tears because you have too much pride to allow yourself to cry, so all these emotions you have inside during that instant feels overwhelming like a volcano about to explode? It's almost a painful feeling. The way she sings it comes with so much pain and emotion, even if you never felt love you might just feel the same pain as the heartbroken when you listen to this song. The way it starts off gets to me also . "I heard.... " . Its like when she's singing this song, she's lying to herself. Trying to sound prideful and brave.. yet inside she's slowly dying. "Never mind i'll find someone like you. " Then you can see the pain hidden underneath those eyes. Reminds me of myself. It's like all her tears are piling up inside her eyes ready to burst and she's trying her hardest to hold it in. Just remembering all the good times...laughters and all of a sudden, time passes and we both move on ---without each other. "You know how the time flies... only yesterday was the time of ours lives." This song just brings up the thought about the love of your life moving on and meanwhile you're still stuck in the same ground, alone... bitter... exhausted...and out of love. Waiting. and Waiting . and waiting... for someone to come along who will love you even better. But wondering at the same time if that even exists..

REAL TALK #4:
Now that I've done a lot of thinking. I don't wanna find someone like you. I wanna find someone better. Because I finally know what I deserve and what kind of man deserves me... the best of me. I'm trying my best to get over all of it but sometimes I can't help but let those thoughts pull me back. Nonetheless, I do wish you the best. Goodbye to you my bittersweet love...

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead..."

P.S. I'm actually looking forward to make a video collage of pictures accumulated in the 6 years we spent together. As much as it hurts. It was something real special to me and a moment in my life worth documenting ... so look out for that ! Until next time my loves <3

This and That

2011-09-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

The weather has been so bipolar lately. One day it's so steamy hot and the next it pours. I think it's so funny how much the weather has to do when it comes to our emotions. If only the sun could be bright out every day -__-. Today i'm off for Rosh Hashana break. We have 5 days. It's gonna be a great weekend because today is my baby sister's birthday. She's finally turning 18. We're so close of sisters and friends, that I feel like she's been 18 forever. I always forget her age. I'm actually sneaking up to her college today to surprise her ! I haven't seen her a little over a month so i'm very psyched for that ! She'll be so surprised! She might even cry. Haha that reminds me of when we said our goodbyes to each other. We were laughing and all of a sudden, our faces were flushed with tears. I really do miss the girl. Visiting home once in a while without her there is pretty awkward. It's so quiet and I have no one to bother me, throw the blanket over my head, bite me, hug me randomly every 5 min, eeee ya. But yes those are currently the thoughts running through my mind. Hope everyone has an amazing day despite any nasty weather!

Remember life is what you make it. If it's raining, dance in it.

Ketchup

2011-09-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

How has everyone been lately?! Well me, I've been running on an emotional rollercoaster, the sporadic kind that shifts you up quickly sky high and like gravity, it pushes you down quickly beyond Earth's core ... One moment, I'm the happiest girl ever. Happy like ... wanting to skip while jamming to jolly songs like Mine by Taylor Swift. Then suddenly a few days later, i'm zoning out to All Back by Chris Brown. I think that's just what happens after a big break up. It'll probably take a lot of time to heal those open wounds. And quite frankly, i'm in that phase where I feel like I can never love again. To a lot of people it probably sounds dumb I know. Cause i'm only turning 20 and i'm still very young. But seeing what my parents have gone through, my family members, society, and my own relationship...feels like those things never last. It's like should I waste time giving into someone with the mentality that it's GOING to end or is it not a called a waste of time but a memory and an experience.

I'm afraid to dive head first into those waters. Like Wale says, "I'm scared to lose love but even more scared to love again." Eh, I don't really know how to take it. I still have a lot of putting together to do. My mind is scattered all over the place. Majority of the times, I am very content with this new life i'm living. But no matter how many guys are trying to talk to me or even someone who is there for company...it gets real lonely sometimes. It's not the same . I miss his kind of love. Therefore its hard for me to throw myself out there for anyone. Being in a committed relationship status for so long and then jumping out alone into a whole new world is one heck of a crazy change i'll tell you. Sometimes it seems like the best decision in the world. Until you start breaking other people's heart or until you have to watch out for your own.

I think perhaps the worst feeling ever is not knowing what you want. Like how is it humanely possible right?! I live inside my brain everyday yet I can't even comprehend it !

Sigh* Well today I'm gonna go for a bike ride t and breathe in what's left of the summer air . Catch up with ya later.

Keep forgetting to forget about you .

2011-09-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

And the worst kind of hurt is when you don't even know you're hurting ...

Random Facts

2011-09-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

(1) - I like mixing all my sauces when I dip anything. Ex. Pizza = Ranch +
   Ketchup or Garlic Butter

(2)- I have to watch something every time I eat anything good (which is everything)

(3)- My biggest pet peeve is getting tapped on for attention. "Sandy .. poke poke poke *"
   It increases my heart rate ..

(4)- Hearing chalk screech on the board or knives rubbing against each other makes
   my teeth hurt

(5)- I am one of a kind. You've never met a girl like me before, guaranteed.

(6)- I have a pretty weird sense of humor. Mainly the kind where I laugh til my tears run dry at
   my own jokes ^_^

(7)- I can't eat any Vietnamese soup based entree without my lime

(8)- I can't eat baked potatoes without my sour cream.

(9)- I get pretty irritated when my nails aren't looking fresh, cuticles and all. Like right now

(10)- Being so predictable makes my life suck sometimes haha but i'm one hard piece of a humanoid to understand, ill tell ya that.

(11)- ~~Heart broken~~ but i'm stronger

(12)- With my thoughts, I keep just as much in as I let out

(13)- Nice neck and nails are a turn on factor for me when it comes to men

(14)- Squats and leg lifts are a must at the gym

(15)- Doing anything spontaneous is the story of my life and I love it

(16)- I enjoy being s i n g l e but of course it gets lonely at times

(17)- I'm made of one cloth and it's called wifey material

(18)- My facebook pictures don't match up with who I really am. There's more to me than ~~partying~~.

(19)- I enjoy sitting on the roof or laying a bench and stare at the sky alone

(20)- Bronzer, mascara is a must

(21)- Feta cheese smells but it's my favorite. So does Durian.

(22)- I got a dirty mind but like Black Eyed Peas says, "it don't need cleaning".

(23)- I'm a harsh lover

(24)- I moan when I eat anything good or drink cold cold water. YUM! True fatass

(25)- I have so much adornment for old people. EEEEE they're so cute!

(26)- American Red Cross gets blood from me every 6 months .

(27)- I like .moles. I don't know why. I think they're so cute.

(28)- I was always obsessed with braces until I got them.

(29)- I really want glasses but my vision is almost perfect

(30)- I notice a lot of things people normally don't

(31)- My goofiness is equivalent to my seriousness

(32)- Almost every time I cook, I pretend that I have my own show on Food Network

(33)- I used to be completely selfless

(34)- Almost everything makes me laugh

Photo life

2011-09-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

6 years old and always happy.

My hard working single mother. My idol.

A really good friend.

She got her own

2011-08-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Gucci Gucci Louie Louie Fendi Fendi PRADA-- them basic bitches love that shit so I don't even botha."

Angel's Cry Cover

2011-08-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

The final blow hit so low I'm still on the ground
I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor

This song described perfectly how I felt when I was going through the first stages of my break up. I love songs because sometimes when your heart can't speak.. it speaks for you.

Dance The Night Away

2011-08-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

VAIN NIGHTCLUB; CLUB EMBER; ANTIGUA --- Downtown ORLANDO

I can't wait until I can rock heels again!

WE IN MIAMI BETCH

2011-08-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

5 of my girls had come down to Orlando to visit and we had a fun trip to Miami! And well ... Let's just say I think that place changed all of us ...

Our hotel was located on Collins Ave. Only a 5 minute walk to South Beach.

The men you randomly meet on the streets in Miami or even in the club are SO gentlemen like not to mention, very handsome.

I had to do one of those classic screams out the window...

Hooked up with a suite limo ride and VIP service directly to the club. FOR ANYONE UNDER 21+, the Miami Nightlife is a hard experience find. I'm talking about nightclubs that is. But we managed to find a club downtown 18+ for ladies.
It had 3 floors of all kinds of music, the floor was shaking, the people were pretty insane and let's just say it was a good time.

      CLUB SPACE

               34 Northeast 11th Street
                 Miami, FL 33132-1724
            (305) 375-0001


This man really became a stepping stone to the change I wanted. He showed me that there really are amazing people out there. I was wrong to believe that the first love I had was the only man that was right for me. He was so incredibly sweet, intimate, romantic, passionate, all things above. ... i'm still speechless. Still in shock. It was like a movie the way it worked out . Walking by him and he had me at hello. That twinkle in his beautiful blue eyes. How stunning he looked when he roamed around the city in his yellow Camaro, us laughing with the wind splashing back in our hair, Sitting out on the beach until the sunrises, leaning back in his body with his arms around me, his accent when we talked about random facts of life, the first time he took my hand and held it softly, when he grabbed my hand to run across the street. I honestly felt like it was love at first sight. It's sad to meet such an astonishing stranger, have them in your life for a quick fairytale, and then that's all you'll ever see of them. That was the end of that. If I could suddenly bump into a man like this again or even him i cant even imagine how happy id be--- It's crazy unreal and sometimes I think I'm crazy but the feeling I had with him was that serious. Short and Sweet.


The best breakfast. THE CAVELIER -- 1320 Ocean Dr, Miami Beach, FL 33139

My sister and I

The memories we made here were absolutely unforgettable. To all the spontaneous things we did, all the handsome men we met, to the wonderful South Beach that served us all day and night, I fell in lust with Miami and I never wanted to leave...
but next trip for us LAS VEGAS.

I'M BACK!

2011-08-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

I have been away in Florida since the beginning of summer. Just a place for me to breathe and have a clear mind and really live my life. And I have to say, this summer has been the craziest, most thrilling yet. The following posts will be photos of random places and random things so you can all catch up with how my life has been ---- completely independent.


I tried hookah for the first time-- but didn't like it much..


I used to hate driving but I grew a new found love for it (esp with the beautiful landscape in florida). Perhaps it was a simple way for me clear my mind.


I know the headphones are bad.

She rockin that thang likee...

Breaking Up

2011-08-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

Most of you know if you read my blog that I've been in a very committed relationship for 6 years with the kind of guy I'd call my best friend. Three months ago, we both went our separate ways. The older I got, the more I realized that people change. Change keeps happening and there's absolutely nothing that can stop it. It doesn't matter how long you've known them for or how much you love each other.. it takes over all of us. And at that point even love can't help you. I've seen that the biggest change occurred in myself. I stomped my foot down, stared at my own reflection and came to reality with what I really wanted.. myself. That simple independence. That time to explore who I was on all grounds. That freedom to travel, meet new people, and further myself for the future ahead. I honestly couldn't have done it with all of that.

People make mistakes. It's a part of life and it's understandable. I've learned to forgive very easily, but I can never forget. There is no turning back for me and I'm only peeking towards the future and looking forward for what's to come.

Nonetheless my first love is something I will never regret. It was absolutely amazing for all it was worth. And I thank him for everything, from the pain...the tears...the heartaches.. to the sweet memories ...the joyous laughters...the comfort ...the love. I wouldn't be as strong as I am today if it wasn't for this. Things were kind of left on an unspoken open road. Goodbye was bittersweet..

Est. 08/23/2005

So these three months have been a life changing experience for me. I was away alone and I thought about a lot. Anyone going through a break up just know that it's called a break up and not a break down for a reason. Take the memories and the experiences you have with you. Hold onto it and use it to make yourself a better person. Don't dwell on the couldvewouldveshouldve beens. Don't stress the could haves because if it should have -- IT WOULD HAVE. Don't hang on to the end of the ropes for something that can probably never be the same again. Don't linger on with your life being disappointed. Most importantly, DON'T ever do things to be spiteful. Instead... do it for you and have that be all that matters. Grow from it, learn from it and keep striving to be strong on your own. Don't look around for anyone. Just learn to love yourself first and have that be enough. Mr. Right will come around the corner before you even expect it but-- I don't believe in Mr. Right. How about we talk about that later .

Lesson Learned #6: Don't cry. It's called a break up and not a break down for a reason

Life really is too short.

2011-07-27T01:20:00.000-07:00

I normally don't post things up right away because it's been so busy. But something just happened two hours ago that left me in a silent shock. After a great night we started driving home...as we were driving a car passed us...speeding quickly, he must've not seen the big curve. He speeded too fast and started swerving side to side and next thing you know, I blink and his car is crushed inwards by a tree that he ran directly into... I went out the car along with the two other people I was with ... went over to the crashed car ... it was badly damaged. I tried peeking inside the car but it was covered with the airbags . Smoke was increasingly rising out of the front of his car. I take a look inside on the driver's side and I see a man's leg. His other half, I couldn't see because of the airbag. I continue to call out, "Are you awake? Are you okay? Wake up? Mister?" I just wanted to say anything so that I could to get a response. As I walk on to the passenger's side of the car to see if he was okay...I saw his whole body laid across the front seats, with his head against the passenger's window, blood running down his face. He looked gone ... I tried to see if he was breathing.. but he wasn't breathing. The ambulance finally came after what felt like an eternity, told us to step back so we don't see anything that we wouldn't want to remember ... and he took his hands up to his neck and did a cutting motion to his co workers ... the man was gone.

This was the first time I have ever witnessed someone die right in front of me ( outside of a hospital setting) . It was just so tragic. And it all happened so fast. I had all these thoughts quickly congesting my mind. What about his family? He looked 40, what about his wife and kids if he had any? I kept trying to think what was possibly running through his mind those last moments. My goodness, that was all it took?

Forty long years to live on this earth and it only takes 3 seconds to kill you. THREE SECONDS. I blinked and his car was rammed into a tree.

You know as human beings, we preach it all the time. LIVE LIFE, IT'S TOO DAMN SHORT. I think we say it in hopes to remember it, but the costs of living sometimes forces us not to. And I'm sad. I'm sad that I would ever lose a grip on that. I'm sad that it takes tragic moments like this for me to realize how much I need to appreciate my life and those around me. A big curve, maybe some alcohol, and a tree was all it took. And in the flash of an instant, it was over like that. If this didn't wake me up or anyone then I don't know what will. I'm a big believer in life and its beauty. But sometimes those bombs just keep dropping on you and you feel like you just want to explode. When you're in those moments, it's hard to remember to be grateful of the life you have. We forget. We're only human . We forget.

This tonight ... was a life changing experience. I shedded raging tears inside my heart for a stranger. I want to remember how special life is forever, every second of the day. Make every moment your best and make it worth something remembering. Forgive. Forget. Smile. & Move on.

Lesson Learned #5 : "You only live once... but if you work it right, once is enough."

Solitary Bliss

2011-07-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

I figured out that a part of finding your happiness is learning to enjoy being alone. <3

p.s. I have so many things I want to tell my readers. We have A LOT of catching up to do. I've just been very busy with work and vacation so once that's all over. Set your eyes in motion ;)

Single Glow

2011-07-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

Its real hot in Florida!

Curling hair with a straigtener <3

Dress from Bebe.

AS WE GO ON

2011-06-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe my baby sister has just graduated. It's insane to me how fast life passes us by. The changes we make and experience. How we all end up choosing our own paths, and how many times those paths end up not intertwining with anyone else's. After graduating high school, life hits you. And it hits you hard. At first it seems doable. "Okay, it's a bit tough but I can pull through." Then you get to that point where you just wanna crash. I was the first in my family to finish high school, graduate and go to college. It was tough doing everything on my own the first time around. You have the work load, the financials, the family problems, the friends, the boyfriend, the sudden unnecessary drama. It is a HUSTLE. But since I pulled through my first year okay, I KNOW I can make it through all the others. I just hope my sister has a smaller plate to fill when it comes to that case. I hope that she can learn to be independent and know that it's okay to do things on your own and not depend on anyone. It's okay to mess up, make mistakes and get lost in life. And I hope she can learn from her experiences, look where the grass is greener and move on to a brighter future.

Girls Night

2011-06-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

I am most definitely having the time of my life in Orlando! More room to breathe away from everything at home, not that anything bothers me anymore =)

I LOVE HAVING GIRLS NIGHT! So much bonding and collective funning involved. Here are a few photos of our girls night. From the spontaneous trip to the Gay Bar to the "tag your it" pokes down the street. It's a thing called living life a little ;)

Beachin'

2011-06-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

If you didn't read my blog since the beginning then you probably don't know that I just recovered from flat foot reconstructive surgery that was taken place 3 months ago. It feels great to be able to walk again after being constrained for so long. If you can't tell, it's my left leg.

I took a random trip midnight to the beach to just relax and get some me time. (NOT ALONE OF COURSE) < DANGER. It was just breath taking to watch the stars and listen to the waves crush against the shore. I slept so good on there. The best part was watching the sun rise. Anywho I am loving my vacation so far! And I will try to update as much as I can!

Orlando Eateries P1

2011-06-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

Pho Vinh
657 N. Primrose Dr.
Orlando, Fl 32803
407-228-0043

Spectator's Bar and Grill
400 West Livingston Street, Orlando, FL 32801(407) 843-6664 ‎

Sauteed onions, mushrooms, 2 onion rings, cheddar cheese, guacamole, roasted red peppers, tomatoes.

Cheeburger Cheeburger
504 N Alafaya Trl # 105
Orlando, FL 32828-4368
(407) 658-1001

THE PITA PITGood late night stop.
1 S Orange Ave # 101
Orlando - (407) 447-7482

Sunshine bliss

2011-05-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Relaxing, cruising, clearing my mind, making money, having a blast with friends= a great vacation so far.

SHE GOT IT#1: L'Oreal Go360 Clean Review

2011-05-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

DEEP EXFOLIATING SCRUB : Naranji

YOU SHOULD KNOW: This product retails for $6.99 at Wal mart or any drug stores that normally carry L'OREAL products. It claims: Gently exfoliates dull, dead skin cells and unclogs-pore by pore. Removes all traces of oil dirt, and make up. Pores look visibly smaller.

HOW I FEEL: I normally use Cetaphil cleanser daily which I absolutely love and will never give up. But I needed some kind of an exfoliant because of the large pores that are starting to splurt out all of a sudden, eh summertime and sweating will answer. Anywho, let's just say this. The first time trying this I already saw results! The texture is a gel formula that's a bit runny which I actually like because that helps it spread and exfoliate on my skin better. It has little grains which aren't HARSH at all on the skin when being rubbed ( I find this especially important when it comes to exfoliants!) I hate when it scratches my face.

It made my face feel super, super soft and SMOOTH. It left my skin feeling squeeky clean and most importantly, it helped a girl sleep good night! Who wants to go to sleep with nasty feeling skin?! I felt that it deeply exfoliated my skin getting rid of the dirt ( which in hot weather builds up a volcano!) , oils and any make up I had on earlier in the day. The creases of the sides of my nose also felt more smooth after 3 uses of this. That shows me that it's doing something to those nasty blackheads and shrinking them evil pores!! A lot of other exfoliants generally dry up my face, but this one? Not a problem. YESS! I don't know yet about using this daily because exfoliants should only be used 2-3 a week to prevent your face from drying.

THE BONUS! I absolutely love the little, attachable, rubber padding buddy that's plugged inside the bottle( you pull it out to use it and place it back in when you're done) . It had little spikes on it that helps you get to the inside areas of your nose and chin, where blackheads and whiteheads normally to I found that to be very convenient. I normally use a cloth to cleanse my face but i'd have to throw that in the washer every week or so because that can also be unsanitary. This rubber pad however is super easy to clean after the use. Sanitary baby.

Scent: Sweet tangerines. Mmmm

So if your pores are starting to open up, or you need something to help your black and white heads (that just sounds so ugly), I definitely recomend this product!

go360 Clean YOU ARE WINNING!

Getaway!

2011-05-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

It's been super hectic lately but I am finally pushing away a chaotic lifestyle and relaxxxxxing. No stress, no drama, no homework, no projects, no tests. I deserve myself a nice vacation. Just me and the warm sun! ANYONE who is working too hard, take some time off for yourself please?! Stress kills sometimes. And this? This is just ....heaven.

Sunshine State, here I come !

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

2011-05-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

These are mostly gifts that are priceless, which to me are the most meaningful. Or cost very little. Here are a few ideas that my siblings and I have done for my mother in a compilation of all the Mother's days put together.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU
Buy a big basket ( something like a gift basket) but without the gifts. Then stuff it with any goodies that reminds of you of your mom, or anything that you love about your mom--- the best part is explaining each one to her. "I got you this because ..." For example, a little frame with pictures of the rest of the family in it (we can't be complete without you), a Yankee candle (my mom loves yankee candles!), an apple ( you're the apple of my eye) <corny but cute ;), a burned cd of all her favorite songs, a bottle of wine or champagne, create a little meaningful poem or saying and frame that also (we did this in a simple card and it made my mom cry last year), if you have young siblings, put in whatever creative projects that they always do in school for Mother's day. A globe, to show she is your world, and of course a girls best friend, some drugstore cosmetics =)

YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL
My sister, who doesn't know how to draw much, drew a huge portrait of a picture of my mom. She loved it! Even if it doesn't look exactly like your mom, it's still very meaningful because you spent hours trying to create her.

ALL I SEE IS YOU
Give her a makeover before she goes off to a nice restaurant with your father. This will just make her feel so beautiful like she's the only woman in the room.

MEMORIES OF YOU
Make a scrapbook of memories of you and your mother.

SPA FOR MA **
This year we decided to celebrate Mother's Day a day earlier, today. We're cleaning up the whole entire house spotless, putting decorations throughout and a sign on the door that says "Her Day Spa". We're setting up candles throughout the house. When she walks in the kitchen, she'll see a plate of mini plastic champagne bottles and cups (decorations you can buy at the dollar store) with chocolate dipped strawberries in the center. Best part is when she goes into her bedroom, set it up so the sheets are all white (if you don't have white sheets, anything is fine too) then pretend you're a masseuse. Find relaxing music and turn it on the stereo. Have her take all her clothes off and wear a wardrobe. In the mean time, take some white towels, wet it and put it in the microwave for 40 secs. Then have her lay down flat on the bed, and place the warm towel to cover her gluteus maximus and anywhere throughout her body that you are not massaging. Now focus on the back, take some baby oil and massage away. Do this for an hour and a half or until she falls asleep :) We're doing this today because she would have just came home from work and she'd be real tired in need of a massage! Then continue celebrating on sunday!

I hope this helps! I need to go get started setting up! If you guys have any other creative ideas, I would love to know!

The Essence of Time

2011-05-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I apologize if I haven't posted for a while. Finals week has been hectic. So I originally started a blog because I really wanted to have a place to transfer my thoughts . I just wanna remind myself and not drift away into materialistic/artificial things (all the time) << cause we all love those!

Today I was packing to leave the school because as time tells, freshman year is finally over. I stumbled upon my diary which I started writing in back in the beginning of 2008. I read all the pages of thoughts after thoughts, and I came to tears realizing how much I changed. Isn't it so sad? How time never stops and our lives just continue to move on... 25 secs turn to an hour.. one hour turns to 9 days... 9 days turns to 3 years... and we just stand here looking back like what happened? Then we realize that as time was changing... we were changing with it.

There has been an unbelievable amount of ruckus occurring in my life these past few years, and if you read my older blogs this year, you'll know how cold of a person I have become. It's not even that. I just try to be. I was the girl that everyone ran to when they had problems. I'd comfort them with benign advice in which they'd appreciate me for. And I loved that. I loved the feeling of people running to me in their times of need. I loved being there. Now after everything that has happened to me, I shielded myself from trusting people. Even from caring about their problems. Between me and you is a wall. I don't care for what you have to say to me, I don't care if he's hurting you, I don't care if your family is giving you trouble. I just don't care. But listen, I want to care. I just don't know how to anymore. I've been through with allowing people to hurt me. But sometimes I feel like i'd rather allow people to get inside my head and betray me, and hurt me all over again than be the person who I am now...

I miss this girl, the one I used to be.

"My greatest weakness... is that I care too much."

I gotta tell you something..

2011-04-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

If only some people could take their own advice, the world be less of a walking contradiction.

----

YOU'RE SO CHARMING

2011-04-25T16:16:00.001-07:00

I've been "craving" a charm bracelet lately. I think they are sooo adorable and can dress up any outfit. I would be able to wear every day if I wanted to. It's such a huge statement piece because each individual charm is something special that's meaningful to you, hence why I don't think it's such a bad thing to spend a little more on it. I wouldn't want a cheap one from Forever21 and have it rust on me. I know i'd wear it a lot! But yes, let's wait til a few weeks when I get my job. -__-

Tiffany & Co

NAT The Cure and the Cause.

I really enjoy entering giveaways because one, it's a nice way to get to know products that other people love to use and two it's a free way of adding your make up collection (sometimes make up) so why not?!
Having that said, Nat from http://purppp.blogspot.com/ is hosting a mini giveaway for 20 followers. I thought that it was super generous of her. So if you want to enter, please do follow her and enter away!

SMOKE ME UP

2011-04-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

Smokey eyes are my favorite! They're sultry, sexy, sassy and can look great with anything!

EYES:
NYX Smokey eye palette
MAC Handwritten
ELF cream liner
ELF Eyebrow kit in light
The Falsies Mascara

LIPS:
ELF Lip color in Coral
Chapstick

FACE:
ELF Bronzer Blush DUO
Revlon Colorstay Mineral Finishing Powder in Sunkiss
MAC Studio Fix NC42
ELF translucent powder** LOVE!

I used to be afraid to smile with braces... now I realize how dumb that was.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MAKE UP LOOK?!

SNAPSHOT

2011-04-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

Pearl earrings are my favorite. They can dress up any outfit!

I AM IN LOVE WITH TURQUOISE COLORS FOR THE SPRING!

What are your favorite spring color(s) to wear?

Breaks My Heart

2011-04-16T19:13:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share a thought that has been on my mind for a while. I have always loved to travel. It's just such a beautiful thing. You get to taste new life, explore new cities, walk down alleys you've never been, smell new air you've never smelled.. Upon many of the destinations on my must-go-to travel list.. Tokyo, Japan was near the very top. Now I'll never get to visit the real Tokyo and what it was known for. It's destructed, destroyed, shattered. This is just a small problem in my mind that's opening up to bigger problems. Browsing around online to follow up on news about Japan, I see pictures and headlines about thousands upon thousands of victims... gone. Imagine waking up one morning thinking you're going off to do the same daily things. To that little boy who might've waken up anxious to finally get that toy that his daddy promised him, to that little girl who was excited to attend her ballet classes, to that teenager was who ready to go to school to see her crush, to that successful woman heading to her firm, to that man who was finally going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, to that elderly couple who was excited to get a visit from their grandchildren... Never would they have imagined running for their lives only to get buried under broken walls of a once standing building... Some cry in hopes to be heard ...some until their very last breath.
Hearing and seeing such news snaps my heart into pieces ...

Events like these remind me to enjoy my life no matter the circumstance. It reminds me to appreciate everything I have in front of me, even if its less than the person standing next to me. And it also reminds me to never take people for granted.

“The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm, but because of those who look at it without doing anything.”

- Albert Einstein

CHOP IT ALL OFF

2011-04-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

I HAVE HORRIBLE LUCK WITH HAIR PERSONNELS!

I don't know if anyone is like this, but I am horribly afraid of getting haircuts! I've had such horrible experiences with hair stylists. I ask to get my hair trimmed and they completely chop off 2 inches ! I hear this a lot "Well sweetie, if you want me to trim your hair i'm gonna have to cut off a few inches or it won't look nice". Mind that I love having long hair and it takes me forever to grow out. (Probably the African American side of me) So I just avoid going to the salon for a haircut. The last time I got my hair cut was a year ago. I know! As you can see, the ends of my hair are very dry and split ends are having a party in my head.

My best friend and sister have been going to this one woman and she cuts their hair so beautifully! I finally decided to instill my trust in her, and give it a try. I said I'd like a trim with layers please.

Now this ladies and gentlemen, is called a trim! My split ends were ALL gone (not literally), it felt great and light, the layers gave me volume with my roots, and most importantly, I got exactly what I wanted.
FINALLY FOUND A HAIR STYLIST THAT CAN CUT.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD BAD HAIR STYLISTS EXPERIENCES? OR AM I JUST PICKY?

THAI ME UP

2011-04-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

SUKHO THAI RESTAURANT

(518)-433-7203

62 Central Ave. Albany, NY 12222

also located on

254 Lark St. Albany,NY 12222

www.sukhothaisushi.com/

The outside of this restaurant wasn't looking too fancy, but then again that's why they say don't judge a book by its cover ;)

Pad Prik Noodles
Flat rice noodles, carrots, brocolli, chicken, green and red peppers, basil and perhaps the
best part were the chili's and herbs they used for this dish.
It was the perfect balance between savory and spicy. The basil also gave this dish a fresh hint of flavor.
RATING: ~~1 2 3 4~~ 5

I loved that they had a large selection of desserts and drinks. I wanted fried ice cream but
for $6.00 I thought that was a bit pricey. I ordered the Fried Bananas instead.

Fried Bananas
It looks just like a Vietnamese eggroll!
It contained a crispy shell that crunched as soon as I bit into it.
Inside the bananas were very sweet and soft, not to mention hot!
The honey drizzle just made it that much more delightful!
I just think it would taste better with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side
RATING: ~~1 2 3~~ 4 5

Service: Friendly, Speedy, Never had to ask for refills.

~~1 2 3~~ 4.5 5

Interior: It felt a bit homey with the wooden chairs, I didn't like that.

The bathroom was a bit sketchy also. I really liked the bar area though!

~~1 2~~ 3.5 ~~4 5~~

Food: It was super authentic, everyone enjoyed their food, super flavorful

~~1 2 3 4~~ 5

SUKHO THAI OVERALL: ~~1 2 3~~ 4.5 5

If you are ever in the capital of New York and would like to try out authentic Thai food
I suggest to go here!

Subtle for the Spring

2011-04-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

Using coastal scents 88 warm & 88 shimmer palette

I used this pink for an all over the lid color, going up to the crease but not passing

I used the second brown (darker one) across my crease.
Then I used the purple for the crease and blended that into the pink.
I used a bit of the black on the outter area of my crease.
I used the light brown, third one up to blend all the colors together above the crease.

There are so many different spring looks this year, including neons?! What's your favorite spring look?

Floral Introduction

2011-04-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

Spring is here! I love that the skies are starting to clear up and warmth is coming back into our lives. Of course the weather here in New York is a bit bipolar so sometimes the grey skies come back around.

An increasing trend this spring are the colorful clusters of floral patterns on clothing.

I love this style because it brings back vintage patterns from way back. For 2011 though, the patterns are a lot bolder.

With that being said I was inspired by this pattern for to a very simple, easy design my nails. The background color is OPI's Done Out In Deco

Please excuse my non manicured nails, I've been quite busy these past few weeks with upcoming exams. I haven't really had time for anything.

"If you can't handle the heat"... GO EAT SOME CHICKEN!!

2011-03-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty awesome. I was literally hugging and falling asleep on books while studying all week. So it was great to break away for the weekend and do something other than studying. I spent Saturday night with my lovely boyfriend. Ended up getting interrupted and had to go deal/confront shit talking bitches. Of course I'll address them, I'm not one to talk behind anyone's back. You'll get it straight to your face, just like many people claim to like it. My life consists of very little drama because I'm a person with oober tolerance and a cool head on my shoulders, I admit to my wrongs if I have any, I apologize when I should, so if people actually have problems with me.. something must be wrong with them. Therefore, it never phases me. Hence why my life = no drama ramas or drama mamas.

The next morning was the BEST! Because I finallyyyyy got to try out this place I've been dyinggggg to taste. So there's been a rave going around about the chicken wings this Korean joint called BonChon
and I absolutely had to give this place a try and see if all this hype was really worth it! For dessert, we also went to Mixx to get some frozen yogurt.

BonChon

(617)-254-8888

123 Brighton Ave (between Linden and Harvard Ave)

Boston,MA 02134

http://www.bonchon.com/

The chicken wings was by far the best I have ever had! It was super crispy on the outside,
(It crunches when you bite it), and saucy, I found myself licking my fingers also! and inside the meat was cooked perfectly moist, not dry whatsoever.
Flavors: Another element that gave this dish high ratings! I had the Soy Garlic and the Spicy. At first bite, I thought I liked the Soy better. It was a unique, garlicy, a little zesty flavor. But
I fell in love with the Spicy wings! While they were very spicy, it had kind of savory
seasoning made me go for more and more.
Ratings: ~~1 2 3 4~~ 5

For my entree I ordered the Crispy Salmon Salad.
I loved the presentation and the taste was unexpected.
It tasted just like sushi minus the rice!

It had a smooth fillling. Rich avocado, crab meat, cucumbers
and the salmon seared nicely on top. This was a perfect balance while eating the spicy chicken
because it soothed my taste buds. I just wish it had more flavoring because I find myself pouring in a little soy sauce to make it a little more flavorful.
Ratings: ~~1 2~~ 3.5 ~~4 5~~

BonChon Ratings
Service: Great friendly employees, quick, attentive.
Price: $5-$25.00
Interior: Modern, just wish it was a little more spacious! I felt it was a little crowded.
Overall: ~~1 2 3~~ 4.5 5

Mixx

(617) 782-6499

66 Brighton Ave

Allston,MA 02134

no website

Yogurt machines with different flavors ; cheesecake, blueberry, lychee, strawberry, chocolate, coconut
(changes weekly)

Simple & easy

It was busy there. Customers came in every 2 minutes.

Depends on your creativity. I messed up with mines adding the chocolate haha So it doesn't look all
that great....
16 oz. ! 1 pound for me!

Two sized cups

Variety of toppings

Mixx Ratings: Creative, Fresh fruits and toppings, unique flavored yogurts. Just plain Simple!
Ratings: ~~1 2 3 4~~ 5

Cocky Guys; The Gas Effect

2011-03-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

Among many of my pet peeves, this one stings me the most. Ladies, don't you just hate cocky guys?!?! I don't understand what on this earth triggers them to be so damn conceited... especially now, if they are looking jaded as hell. I will never call a person ugly unless their character is, and unless their super conceited when they shouldn't be. BUT DAMN BROTHA! A crooked face that's as cocky as a fat rooster is a no-go. Guys, there is absolutely nothing wrong with confidence, nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, it turns a bitch on. But confidence and being cocky are two completely different things. Confidence is humble, and secure with a strong sense of self-certainty . Cocky is out there brushing your shoulders, flicking your nose and telling the world that you're the shit. Word to your ear, THERE'S A WAY TO BE CONFIDENT WITHOUT BEING SO ARROGANT. So what do I like to do when it comes to cocky guys? I just like to have fun some fun with them ... It's a thing I like to call ...
THE GAS EFFECT
Gassing people up-flattering them constantly to excite them and make their heads big.

Common Situations

Cock #1: Jim- has gotten jacked and becomes full of himself

WOW Jim!!! Have you been working out?! You got sooo jackkked!! If you went to the club, girls would loveee dancing with you, feelin up your tight ass muscles! MMM! You're probably scoring more than a soccer team!!!

Cock #2: Ernie- got his ears pierced and feels like he's looking good and tough

DAMNN! Is that you with your ears pierced?! You look mad hardcore! If I didn't know you, I'd be mad scared of you!!

Cock #3: Nester - got laid by 4 girls over the course of 2 days

YOOO! This guy is crazyy! That's o.d! I bet every guy wishes they were you!!

why is it so funny?
Because chances are the people around you probably know that this guy is conceited too. Therefore when you bring on the "The Gas Effect", the joke is on them (and they don't even know it). While they actually get fed the "compliments" and start to do gassed up things like,
swiping their thumb by their nose
looking away to opposite direction with a little smirk on their face
taking a "oh-you-know" kind of breath while tilting their heads,
you and others are laughing in your heads that he's eating your "compliments" and making all these funny gestures. The best part is ... you weren't even being sincere. :)

WHY BE COCKY WHEN YOU CAN BE CONFIDENT?
WHY NOT? IT'LL just GET YOU FURTHER.

COCKY VS CONFIDENCE
Sure, if you're a cocky guy. You're probably cocky for a reason. But cockiness will never get you quality girls, the only thing you'll ever score are ... well... girls that like to get around. You see whores are attracted to cocky jerks, whom most of the time are whores like themselves. But quality girls on the other hand, are attracted to guys who have confidence. If you think it's the same thing... then please read further.

THE DIFFERENCE WHEN IT COMES TO...

CLOTHES

Cocky guys let their clothes wear them. They stride along the crowd with the current trends, popular, expensive brands, whatever their crew is into, so are they.

Confident guys wear the clothes, they don't let the clothes wear them. They can look sexy in a regular Old Navy V-neck, or a plain white tee from Wal-Mart.

GIRLS

Cocky guys think very highly of themselves. So in a club setting, they approach the girls with the mindset that they can get anyone they want. Sometimes it's embarrassing, cause they get rejected like toilet water.

Confident guys just stay seated, they do their own thing and most of the times act like they don't even know the girl exists. Time to time they give a little eye contact, and eventually the girl approaches.

JOKES

Cocky guys can almost never take jokes. When you make fun of him, he either hides his insecurities, gets defensive, or tries to play it off but freaks out later on.

Confident guys can take the joke and laugh with you about his own weaknesses.

STANDARDS

Cocky guys set their standards according to others. They constantly want to be better than everyone around them. This feeds their insecurities.

Confident guys only worry about themselves. They strive to achieve goals that they set for themselves. Whether or not the next guy is better than them won't even come across his mind.

IMPROVEMENT

Cocky guys think they're at the top of the pyramid and that they are fine the way they are. Their way is the right way, they are not open to take advice from others. Even when they are wrong, they find a way to justify it to make themselves right.

Confident guys love to learn, and enjoy seeking ways to better themselves. They are eager to learn from others and take other people's advice to their own advantage.

SELF

Cocky guys always find ways to have more. They will make plenty of "friends" ,whom mostly are fake, just to show they have more. It's all about quantity.

Confident guys are completely content with who they are and what they have. Including the small circle of friends that remain real to them. They take quality over quantity in anything that they do.

REAL TALK #4 :

"Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level."

Family: The Greatest Treasure of All

2011-03-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

In the course of 4 years, I really almost forgot what it feels like to have a content family. Or even to really be content at all. It's hard when the two people who brought you onto this Earth find themselves drifting in different directions. Suddenly, I find myself drifting also. I felt like I used to have everything I ever needed. A warm welcoming home to walk into, a loving family to come home to, parents had thriving businesses.. then suddenly everything just crashed. And I completely crashed too. My relationships with the rest of the world became more closed off. I found that if people don't care for me, why should I bother pushing efforts to show them I care?

Over a week ago, I finally got the operation that I told you guys about in my other post performed. This time my dad actually came down. We spoke and things are really looking up. For the first time in 4 years, I felt this really strong momentum of happiness, I felt like I could clearly breathe again. We went to our hometown and there we reunited with more family members ... everyone together was the greatest feeling.

Family is my greatest treasure and when one person is missing, it doesn't feel whole. Finally when everyone came together, I felt this profound emotion rising inside me. It felt like the old days again. Hopefully it's here to stay. I'm glad this surgery brought the family back together and much closer.

We always have good times.

He grew so much bigger than daddy haha

Vu doing Amanda's Make up with attitude

My mom holding Baby Nina

My brother and the baby.

There is so much to say about this guy. We have been through soo much together it's almost unbelievable. It's even more unbelievable

that it's almost been 7 years since we've been in each other's lives. He took such good care of me during my surgery, I cannot appreciate him enough. He's my backbone and I don't know what i'd do without him. We have our ups and downs but at the end of it all, i'm glad we kept our promise to always be each other's best friends. What we have is very special, and that's something no one else can ever replace.

My family is my life. I learn from their mistakes to make myself a better person. They keep me driven , focused and motivated. I love them so much.

LESSON LEARNED #4: Never stop believing or give up hope on something you truly love, because one day the sun will shine again and warmth will come back into your life.

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family"

-- Anthony Brandt

SHE MADE IT #2

2011-03-10T08:08:00.000-08:00

SAUSAGE POTATO CASSEROLE

INGREDIENTS

Potatoes (Idaho, Red skinned) of your choice (8)
Onion (1)
Milk 2 cups
Butter 2 cups
Garlic (8 cloves)
Smoked Sausages. I used Emeril's Sun dried tomato sausage
3 blend cheese (1 1/2 cups)
Seasonings: Garlic Powder, Cajun, Salt, Pepper
Sour Cream
SERVING: (15)

Don't cha ever have those moments where you have so much of one ingredient in your house and you know you have to do something with it before it starts to decay? Or else it'll just be a waste of food?

I recently ran into that problem with POTATOES! There are endless, endless recipes you could make with potatoes. We had plenty and the siblings were getting sick of eating it fried and mashed... so I decided to add a little twist. How about some smoked sausages? That'll make it more savoring.

(1) Start off with fresh potatoes (I'm using Idaho)

(2) Grate or peel the skin off
(using a chinese grater over the sink)

Freshly grated and washed!

(3) Use a pot about this big and add water to 75% of the pot,
Turn stove on to Hi until it boils

(4) Quarter the potatoes. This allows it to cook a lot faster.

(6) Toss these potatoes in the pot of boiling water
Leave it in there for about 25 min.

(7) It should come out looking mashable!

(8) Now the fun part! Use a masher and press down on the potatoes.

(9) It's so fun watching it string through. Make sure it is evenly mashed;
We don't want big chunks

(10) Add butter and milk

(11) Stir together until you get a smooth consistency

(12) Now for seasonings, add garlic and pepper seasoning

(13) 3 shakes of garlic powder

(14) 3 grinds of pepper and a pinch of salt

(15) Take a squared or round pan and spread the mashed potatoes evenly on the bottom.

(16) Chop onions and mince garlic

(17) Sautee the garlic then add the onions

(18) Sweat out the onions & garlic until golden

(19) Take out sausages ( can be spicy, sweet, smokey)
These are smokey and sweet because of the sun dried tomatoes

(20) Cut the sausages into small chunks/squares
This is how nice it looks like on the inside
(During this time you can also preheat the oven
375 just enough for the cheese to melt )

(21) Sprinkle in a palm full of cajun seasoning
(refer to the palm of garlic & pepper seasoning in #12.

(22) Continue to stir until brown
( crisp )

(23) Add layer of sauteed onions on top of mashed potatoes

(24) Add the layer of sausages

(25) Add another layer of mashed potatoes and onions on top of that

(26) Sprinkle bread crumbs until the potatoes are covered

(27) Now the best part, sprinkle on the cheese.
(I prefer cheddar cheese but I used what I had in my fridge
so this is 3 cheese blend)

(28) Cheesy goodness

(29) Place the tray in the oven until the cheese is melting

(30) I left it in there for 5 minutes too long

(31) Remove a piece from the pan, add some sour cream on the side

(32) My only regret is not using enough sausages!

(33) Sweet with the sun dried tomatoes, smokey with the cajun sausages, whiles the mashed potatoes balances out the flavors and the sour cream blends everything together! Enjoy!

SUGGESTIONS: Add a layer of tomato sauce on top of everything and then the bread crumbs, following that, the cheddar cheese.
I used whatever I had in my pantry which is why I don't have tomato sauce in this recipe but I highly
suggest it!
Overall, this is a great side for a chicken breast dish or great just as a snack to eat alone.

ELF

2011-03-05T09:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.eyeslipsface.com/

ELF IS HAVING 50% OFF THEIR STUDIO LINE ! SHOP NOW!

That Girl to Girl Love: No Freaky

2011-03-01T22:18:00.000-08:00

Never in my life have I realized the importance of a female friendship until now... when I decided to go solo. I found that through my toughest times, I had my girls there for me, to chit chat with me.... text, phone calls, talking about things that aren't so serious, letting loose, laughing about dumb situations, and making fun of each other. When I'm with them, I just feel like I can forget about everything else. Through sober conversations that sound like we're drunk, several drinks, dancing the night away, we live these moments together. We all have problems, but when we come together, they are forgotten. They take my mind off things I stressed day and night about and they make it less important. That special girl to girl bond is one thing that a boyfriend can never replace. I've always been one to disown females. Might be a little contradictory of myself but I find the majority of them to be fake, conniving, manipulative and super self absorbed. It's hard to come across those few good ones. I can definitely say that these girls right here, some of them i've known for over 6 years, some for only 3, nonetheless, they continue to make my days brighter. I don't worry about having to think about trusting them, or betrayal, or deceit... we literally just let loose together and speak our minds without letting our mouths hold us back knowing that what we say stays in the circle. They give me nothing but a good time. I can't even tell ya how many times I'm lookin' like an idiot laughing at my phone. ( Oh the things they say).

My winter break was a blast with them ! Here are a few photos!

The Vo Girls- Cousins since a lifetime and back
(Amanda, Myself, Hanh)

Nancy- I have this weird type of love for this girl. We NEVER keep in touch
but when we see each other, we run all the way back to 7th grade. Nothing
ever changes between us. She's so naturally funny, she makes me laugh like a hyena.
I honestly don't know what'd I do without my Bacu.

Tina, Amanda, Hanh, Nancy, Cindy, Nhuy, Connie, Tran

We've definitely had our ups & downs but not a single
girl here has ever failed me, and when they do, they pick up
the pieces and make things better. I've had a "memory 50 years later moment"
with everyone of these lovely ladies <3

Tina, Amanda, Cindy, Hanh
((FUC))

Missing Ha in this photo but these girls are my core. We
always have such a good time together and the things we talk about/ do
is out of this world. We each have a strong sense of self,
and are doing things to brighten our future.
& we love to talk about sex.

Ha
The missing piece to the picture. She's so innocent that she's not innocent.

Cindy's 19th Birthday Weekend
They make me laugh so uncontrollably, sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself.

I'm the Dude for Food

2011-02-21T09:16:00.000-08:00

I rock my heels, donk my dress, skin my legs, smooth my hands, shine my face, put on my Impress.
I'm a fem in every way... but one instance where the man comes out of me is when there's food...good food. I eat every kind of food and I enjoy it. When I do enjoy, i'll devour it until its down to its' last bits. Then i'll slob my tongue on the plate and sweep up the crumbs or sauce like no tomorrow, then i'll probably ask for more. Reason being why diets and I fail in having a great friendship. I just wish I could be like those other people who can eat those gourmet small sized portions that don't even get them full, but they eat it to savor the taste. If only. Everyone who knows me, (who doesn't even have to know me) , knows that I-JUST-LOVE-FOOD. You can see it in my face and hear it in my voice every time I put something delishh in my mouth. My eyes will open wide like an owl and I moan like i'm having slow, passionate, sex. MMM. Food and sex go hand in hand in my book. People swear they wonder why I'm not a morbid beast yet, I don't know why either.. but i'll tell ya this... i'm slowly getting there . =X ! Psh, if you ask me... i'm worst than a man. I'm just ...Sandy!

EVIDENCE

“Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants”

Home "The Circle of Plastic"

2011-02-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

Home. No matter where you go, out of town, state, country... it's still the same ol' place you can call home. What makes a home a home to you?

Worcester,MA

I've moved eight times up and down the states and Worcester, MA has always been the place I still call home. Reason being... the way it makes me feel. The people...the friendships. Driving down the streets, I can look at so many places and name so many memories. Fond memories of those nights when I was 14 and walking down the street from a bowling alley drunk while trying to take care of another drunk pal... sneaking out of houses... spending long, late nights engaging in deep drunk talks with great friends...getting picked up at 3 in the morning to fish bowl for hours in the car...( that i'm not fond of .. just a memory haha) walking in the winter time with a tight t-shirt trying to look cute in front of the guys while pretending not to be cold...getting caught sneaking people in...going to each other's houses and letting ourselves loose just knowing we all had this common bond... these memories built off of memories.

A home is a home because of what people make it. But now? What the hell has Worcester become? It's this overrated, materialistic place filled with these fake, phony, dramatic people. People have become soooo consumed in living such an unrealistic lifestyle. Keeping up with "trends" to impress each other. Throwing off bills like they're pennies. Two facing the crap out of each other. Flirting with their friend's significant other. Talking trash behind each other's backs and then giving kisses to bitches faces like no bullshit. It became the "Circle of Plastic" I'd like to call it. Plastic, according to dictionary.com is defined as being Marked by artificiality or superficiality; synthetic. I can't wait til the day they all have finally stepped outside the circle, grow up and see what a ruckus they've costed themselves, and their lives.

Even the people who used to be the closest closest to me are consumed in this mess, and there is absolutely no way for me to do anything about it but sit back and watch. Live my life, and work hard while these people "go with the flow". Well if you know what a river is, the flow never ends honey.

I am no longer anxious to visit "home". There is no longer strength in that word. The meaning is no longer there. It faded along with the people. Nonetheless, I am happy to say that the only thing that keeps me visiting are my family members and a few guy friends, and my realest of real girls . One's that I've actually seen had my back over many circumstances. The rest can eat my chucked up deuces.

REAL TALK: #3 To all the people who like to be phony, I say stop with the B.S and sprint out my life. And make it fast.

Love Day? Nah.

2011-02-13T19:00:00.000-08:00

To be honest, other than elementary school days, I don't think I have ever celebrated Valentine's Day. Some people stress a little too much over it. :( . It's just a day the market invented to increase sales... jewelry, gifts, rings, just like another Christmas almost... except there's actually meaning to Christmas. To me Valentine's Day is just a huge fuckfest. And often it's a day with people getting crushed over unrequited love. Don't let your self go there. That's why I'm happy to just treat it like any other day. Do my homework, study, eat Swiss Chocolate Ice cream on a stick and maybe watch a movie if I have time.

It's such a coincidence though, I stumbled upon a video that I posted on youtube in 2009 during Valentine's Day. My hair looks super funny, I think I was trying to hide some acne on my forehead.

***SCROLL DOWN TO PAUSE MUSIC

Worship

2011-02-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

I have found that through many years, I don't believe in the church as much as I believe in solely God. I think with the church there's been too many deceiving acts that has turned me into a frantic skeptic. I only believe in my own relationship with God through my prayers. Although I must say, aside from the people of the church ( I've seen many evil) << but we are only human, the church's atmospheric conditions always have a way of making me feel very comfortable. Sometimes it feels almost like God's presence is there. I have decided to miss Saturday night's festivities to go home and wake up early to attend church with my family. It's been two whole years... A LOT has changed since then...including myself. I am a different person. I am no longer the vulnerable, weak, completely-trusting of things me. I am the confident, strong, independant, self-loving me. I have a feeling it's going to be a little overwhelming.

and the religious side comes out.

5:33 pm ERROR!: My mom and the rest of my family decided they didn't want to go and no one is going to pick me up. HAHA! but at least now you have my thought on the whole thing. I GOT NERVOUS FOR NO REASON! oh mother! <3

The Beauty of True Love

2011-02-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

True Love.

No matter where it decides to take me, it's one of those things in my life that I know I will never regret. I know it was real and to me... that's all that matters.

Distance makes the pussy grow fonder

2011-02-08T13:29:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This post is mentally Rated-R. Don't read it if you're gonna get disgusted. My sister, ahem. I'm human and I'm honest.

Like I said, this blog is super super super personal. This is only for people who wanna get to me know me, can relate to me, or want a source of "entertainment" I guess you can say. If you know me, you know that I'm a veryyyy open person hahaha. It's some real shit so like it or leave it.

Soo here it goes..

Lately... I don't know WHY. maybe it's my appreciation for him, I don't know! But my sex drive has like sky rocketed. In class when I'm supposed to focus in on lectures, I day dream about freaky things with s.o.s. and I can't stop. According to many reviews that I read, the birth control I'm on is supposed to decrease my sex drive ( which is one of the reasons why I did not want to take it) but it's doing the complete opposite. and trust me, I don't mind at all. BUT! I don't want to just be miserably thinking about it , I wanna make it happen. ;) with one man and one man only. aha. talk about sexual frustration!

Damn right when they say "Actions are louder than words" ! Firsthand.

I'm a real F.U.C.able in this case. ;)

REAL TALK #2: Long distance is like walking with a stick up your ass. It's irritating, painful, and hard to deal with. But we've been doing this for almost five and a half years and I just wanna be closeee to him. Err. When they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, it makes the pussy grow fonder too. They just accidentally left that part out .

Thinking solves Erthang.

2011-01-29T11:04:00.001-08:00

MMMMMMM!!! Sudden change of emotions. Woke up this morning to the wondrous rays of the beautiful sun flashing in my face! I feel so lively today! Maybe because of all the thorough thinking I did last night about a lot of things that make me unhappy. I have finally decided to crawl over myself and let go of everything that I let bother me. I never thought I would ever be so forward about my feelings but it was something I had to do to in order to move forward. I forgave and forgot about everything that use to hurt me. And perhaps most importantly, I'm staying true to myself. Life feels better that way. Why hold on to grudges for things that happened in the past...? It's not me to be resentful to people that I used to care about. I can go on living like that, but I'd be lying to myself.

LESSON LEARNED #3
I know how that feels guys. When people whom we thought were a close part of our lives hurt us, we feel we have to repel with absolute hatred. We wanna see them hurt just as much as we did... cry just as much as we did... lose just as much as we did. But as much as we think it might make us feel better to hate someone for hurting us. We're hurting ourselves even more for ~~hating~~ them. I know how hard it is to let go of grudges, but to get over that grungy feeling that we always carry with us inside our hearts... it's all worth it. just forgive. forget. and let it go.

I just wanna be cordial. I just wanna love.

Don't dwell on the past, don't stress about the future.

Just live in the NOW.

OHH HEY CUTIE!

YOU BETTER HOLLER BACK OR I'LL MESS YOU UP.

AW, YOU KNOW I'M JUST PLAYIN' WITCHA!

That's right. That's right. YOU DA MAN, YOU DA MAN

Oh Life

2011-01-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

Sadness is easy to express, but so hard to tell.

Sincerely Sandy

Carefree

2011-01-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

Whatever happened to them good old days when life was soooo care free. Why am I sooo sad?! I just wanna breathe again. Ah. Well these videos make me laugh :)

***to turn off the background music, scroll to the bottom of the page.

Selfish; for once.

2011-01-27T14:39:00.000-08:00

There's honestly no such thing as New Year's Resolutions for me. They're bullshit goals that people make for themselves. They hang the list of 1 to 10 up on their walls that they never seem to complete, next thing you know it's 2012 and they do it again. It's entirely pointless. Rather, I have promises that I make to myself that will help me better my goals in life. This year I have decided, as I've said before, that I'm sick of people's shit (hence another reason why I decided to deactivate my Facebook and haven't been back since) , I'm sick of giving and giving and getting squash in return.

For instance, many of my girlfriends who constantly ask me for advice, behave like they are actually trying to take my advice, but then they go and throw themselves at assholes who do nothing but continue to hurt them time and time again. Then they come running back in tears sobbing the ocean out of their eyes wondering why it happened to them. Then they get mad at me for telling them the solid truth. Don't ask for advice if you already know what you want, even if it's gonna hurt you in the end. As a caring friend, I'd rather not hear it. I'm sick of being the nice girl who smiles at people, only to get jerked back in return. So now I wonder why people think I look intimidating. Maybe because when I was being friendly, no one liked it. I rather walk around with a bitch swag on than be vulnerable and stepped on. Trust, in this lifetime, if your dad can fck you over, so can anyone else. I'm tired of trusting people. I'm tired of caring too much. and I'm tired of giving.

I'm talking about boyfriends, friends, acquaintances... get the fck out of my equation. I have my own solution and that is to worry only about myself. That way no one gets hurt in the end. Please don't blame me for becoming a cold bitch, it's a cold world out there anyway. I've been through a little too much for a little 19 year old to handle...things that no one else I know will ever understand.
LESSON LEARNED #2

"NEVER make someone a ~~priority~~ if they only make you an option."

Is there anyone else out there in the world that feels like I do..?

Blurb

2011-01-26T20:09:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I knew what I want, problem is... I don't.

Winter Wonderland?!

2011-01-25T21:57:00.000-08:00

Beautiful just beautiful! but it's too bad beauty can sometimes be a little too deceiving.
Captured while walking to class in the school campus.

This is the view of a part of my school from the 21st floor, aka my room.

The 'real' winter has come. I've been trying to survive 8 minutes of just walking outside to classes in this weather. The kind of weather that makes me suddenly cough the second a thrust of cold rapes my breath as I leave the building. I'm talking about 14 degrees below 0. I wear a shirt, a cardigan, a sweater, and my jacket, leggings, jeans, leg warmers and socks.. and believe me, it still doesn't do me justice. I thought I missed winter during the summer time, but I'm gonna have to go back on that thoughtttt.. Winter is a little too chilling. The cold just makes me wanna stay in bed all day. I press snooze 5 times before I can actually talk myself into getting up for class. Let's hope this all gets better, or I'll have to give myself a 20 minute counseling session every morning. Yeah. Let's not do that.

Dear Summer breezes, come to me now. Let me taste the fresh, ravishing, warm air that you so kindly offer.
I miss youuuuuu!

Sincerely Sandy

Surgery. Scary.

2011-01-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately I had to be the oddball in my family and come into this world with a condition called flat feet. I've always seen that my left foot was irregular but growing up I didn't think much of it. UNTIL I went to college and walking back and forth to classes took a toll on my poor feet. I started experiencing excruciating pain on my lower leg and my hip would make a cracking noise every time I take the stairs. it was bad. so I seeked a podiatrists who molded me some orthodics and went to the physical therapist 3 times a week, but even that didn't help. soo nowww, i have to undergo a 4 hour procedure for flat feet reconstruction to minimize the pain, and fix the way my feet so that it looks normal. the first thing the surgeons are going to do is a kidner procedure where they are going to repair the posterior tibial tendon, then they are going to remodel this navicular bone that i have and re attach it to the posterior tibial tendon. then they're going to lengthen my achilles tendon.. OUCH.. then they are going to put a plug in my joint to help correct the direction of my foot, then they are going to cut my heel so they shift it inside.

and let me tell you, I AM SO FCKING NERVOUS. My doctor isn't even helping. She just keeps telling me I'm going to be in excruciating pain, I probably won't be able to focus for a week in school. as if that's supposed to cheer me up doc.

but here's to hopping around on my crutches for 5 months IN COLLEGE. just great.

UPDATE 1/25/2011

I never got to go forth with the surgery because RIGHT before I was about to enter the surgical room, my bloodwork came and my anemia level was low. Therefore, I have to take iron and get better until I can continue with the surgery. This is no good for me because my feet just keeps getting worse. I'm walking around limping to get from place to place and I try to hide the fact that I'm limping so people don't stare like goats. sigh.. life.

Kiss me through the phone.

2011-01-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

Actually felt very natural today. Clear skin and no ugly undereye blackbags always does the trick.

Therefore I put on very minimal makeup.

Sorrow. Sorry.

2011-01-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had those random moments where you either see, hear, smell something that brings you back memories? It feels like you're exactly at that place, or with that person when you first heard, smelt, or seen it? It's pretty cool. I just had one of those moments while listening to Kiss the Rain, a piano melody. I just felt an overwhelming feeling, looked up to the ceiling and suddenly started tearing but I don't really know why... I hate that even I can't read myself sometimes. Maybe that just means I have a lot running through that brittle head of mines, or maybe it's all the sadness thrusting out in that little heart of mines.. or it could be that the piece was so beautifully soothing it made me cry haha...I wish. Ohh

Sandy..

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sincerely Sandy

Silicone? Plastic? =O

2011-01-14T14:29:00.000-08:00

It astonishes me how completely fake some people can be. I mean seriously, grow the fck up will ya?! but then again, fact. even beings who are grown up are fake. and for this reason, I have learned not to trust too easily. I trust people. Just not too much trust. I trust them just enough to know the exterior me, but the things I keep inside.. unh unh. That's a part of me they'll have to earn to get to.

I hate seeing people who are close to me deal with lying, two-faced, bitches. especially when those people are soo damn nice, others just want to take advantage of them. Fake humanoids must be real insecure about themselves. It actually makes them salivate to know they're hurting others, it must make them feel like they're "winning" because they screwed around with someone else's emotions.But at the end of the day when you plastic asses run your behind home, what good does that make you feel..? Are you supposed to learn anything from it ? What, do they think people are gonna praise them now..? I just don't get it sometimes. Why can't they just live their lives being just..? wouldn't it feel so much better?

fake like that is nothing less than these silicone bombjuggers.

REAL TALK #1

If I had a dick I'd jizz on their faces. #HARSH

Sincerely Sandy

2011-01-13T10:54:00.000-08:00

"You can turn off the sun, but baby I'll still shine."

One of my favorite quotes. It's such a pick-me-upper.